1. How to pray for others more . . . better

    by Andy Norton | MARCH 7, 2013
    Have you ever told someone sincerely, “I’ll pray for you!” and then wondered, “Oh no. What have I done?” You have the best intention of praying for them, but you feel like you don’t know how.
    I’ve been there, too! Until this past semester, in fact.
    Up until then, if I wanted to pray for someone, the best I could do was pray, “God bless so-and-so,” “I pray for so-and-so,” “I lift up so-and-so,” and that was it. I had no idea how else to pray for someone! Granted, I would sometimes “offer up” things for people; I’d offer up a rosary or I’d offer up a sacrifice, but intentionally and deeply praying for someone was something I didn’t know how to do.
    Then I was given a simple tool that revolutionized my prayer for others. This past summer Joseph Williams (a FOCUS missionary who leads retreats throughout the year) shared a reflection he called, “Expanding your prayer vocabulary.” It’s basically a three-step process, and this is how it works:
    1) Identify a need (i.e. my dad who is sick). Write down your basic need on a piece of paper. (Writing it down seriously helps, whether you’re just starting or you’ve been doing this for a while.)
    2) Brainstorm specific related needs (i.e. healing, patience, faith, and trust). Your dad’s sick, and you want to pray for him, but “God bless dad,” won’t cut it. What does he truly need? He needs healing. He needs patience. He needs faith. He needs trust, during this difficult time. Write all this down.
    3) Pray for each of these needs as simply or as in-depth as desired. In praying for trust, for example, you can pray, “Lord, I pray for trust for my dad,” or you can take that further and add, “Teach him to pray: Jesus, I trust in you. Give him the grace to trust you, my God. Let him know that you watch over him and that you protect him always.” It’s your choice how deep you'd like to go.
    Pro-Tip: Before you even begin to pray specifically for someone, you can first 1) turn to God, 2) ask for his help, and 3) praise him. And after you pray, you can spend a moment and 1) listen to God, 2) thank him, and 3) praise him again.
    Also, be sure to follow up later with those for whom you pray asking them how that test went or how was their interview. They’ll know you thought of them and prayed for them.
    If you try this out, I guarantee you that three things will happen when you pray for others:
    1) God will change your heart.
    2) God will change their lives.
    3) God will change your relationship with them.
    May God bless you and your prayer for others!

    Posted by
    Labels: Prayer Youth and Young Adult


  2. BY TYLER HUCKABEE - OCTOBER 8, 2013
    First things first, most twentysomethings are too hard on themselves.
    It’s one of the downsides of a youth-obsessed culture. We tend to think if we haven’t published our first book, planted our first church or gotten married by the time we’re 30, then we’re on the fast track for a lonely, penniless death which will be mourned by none. Sure, some people get famous when they turn 25. Some people also swim across the English Channel.
    Your twenties are a prime time to explore and grow, without all the baggage that comes with settling down and making your mark. (Jesus Himself was an unknown carpenter in a reviled corner of Israel until He was 30.)
    That said, there are a few things every twentysomething should know how to do.
    YOUR TWENTIES ARE A PRIME TIME TO EXPLORE AND GROW, WITHOUT ALL THE BAGGAGE THAT COMES WITH SETTLING DOWN AND MAKING YOUR MARK.

    1. Make a Great Breakfast

    Ideally, you should be able to craft a great meal for any occasion, but this is the most important meal of the day and so, it’s the one you should have down. Use real butter, large eggs, fresh mushrooms, cheese, whatever, but know the ins and outs and invite a lot of people over to eat it with you regularly.

    2. Argue Kindly

    An increasingly rare trait, but you’ll be better for it. Learn how to have your own opinions (and make sure they’re actually yours—not just something you “heard somewhere”) and how to put them firmly and politely, in a way that invites spirited conversation. It's a rare and wonderful thing.

    3. Hold a Conversation With Someone of Any Age

    Whether the person you’re talking to is eight or 80, you should be able to hold a meaningful, intentional conversation with them. Remember to ask a lot of questions, be more interested in who they are than in who you are, and strive to make their day.

    4. Parallel Park

    Nothing menial about it, and not nearly as hard as it looks. Practice a little. Become an expert. Dazzle your friends.

    5. Defend Your Media Choices

    Whether you like Kendrick, Kings of Leon or Ke$ha, you should be able to articulate why. The media we consume affects us, and you should be able to explain to yourself why you’re listening, watching and reading the things that you are.

    6. Limit Your Online Life

    This cannot be over-emphasized. The inability to manage an online presence has toppled promising careers and made fools out of otherwise competent individuals. You should have a good grip on how often you use social media and what you’re using it for. If you find most of your free time spent on the Internet, it’s time to make some choices. If you’re checking your phone at every awkward pause, delete that Facebook app.

    7. Approach a Stranger

    Whether it’s for directions, a favor or even just to pass the time on an airplane, knowing how to strike up a conversation out of the blue is a marvelous skill. Ask them questions (don’t lead with information about yourself), be approachable (not aggressive) and look for clues that they’d rather be left alone.

    8. Stand Up for Yourself

    Whether it’s your boss shooting down an idea before you’ve explained it or a guy shouting rude comments as you’re walking by, you should know how to keep from getting walked over.

    9. Say “I Was Wrong”

    A relationship squabble. A professional tiff. A theological debate. Whatever it is, you should always be looking for where you might have messed up. “I was wrong” is a magical little sentence that diffuses conflict and brings peace to any situation. You should have it at the top of your go-to phrases.

    10. Brew a Great Cup of Coffee or Tea

    Look. Once and for all, turning on the coffeemaker and brewing a pot of coffee is totally fine. But you should also be aware how to make a perfect cup of coffee or tea. For yourself. For your friends. Do a little reading. Perfect your technique. It’s a skill you’ll be glad you have forever.

    11. Tip Generously

    What’s just an extra buck or two to you can completely make your server’s day. Make it a habit to tip generously and, if you’re really feeling daring, write a brief thank you note on your check.

    12. Maintain a Mentor

    Your twenties are a great time to invest in a mentor. Find someone you want to be like—be it your pastor, a friend or even a peer—and commit to meeting with them regularly. It takes a little humility and a lot of dedication, but there is no ceiling to the value it will add to your life.

    13. Bite Your Tongue

    Know how to pick your battles. It’s OK for you to be right without getting everyone to admit you’re right. It’s OK for you to be offended by something without everyone knowing you’re offended. Understand when you should go to bat for what you’re thinking and when you can let it go.

    14. Stay Well Rested

    Late nights will come (if you’ve got kids, they’ll come pretty frequently) but our generation has forgotten the value in a good night’s sleep. Push yourself to go to bed earlier. Utilize your downtime wisely. Resting is just as important as being productive. In fact, you’ll be more productive if you are resting well and often.

    15. Respond to Criticism

    Defending yourself against criticism is easy. Graciously accepting it is harder, but the improvements it can make to your life and work are wild. Remember that criticism usually isn’t meant to be a personal attack and, if you can learn to take it in the spirit it's offered, people will have fewer things to criticize you about in the future.

    16. Write a Cover Letter

    Filling out an application is a pretty simple process but, in all likelihood, the job you really want is going to take more than a list of references and previous employers. Cover letters require some effort, but it can be the difference between “don’t call us, we’ll call you” and “when can you start?”

    17. Be Alone

    The Millennial generation prizes community, which is very good, but it tends to come at the cost of fearing loneliness. The truth is, being alone can do you a lot of good. Be able to sit quietly—reading, writing, praying or just listening to the silence—and use that time to truly evaluate how your spirit is. Loneliness is exercise for your heart. Do it regularly.
    KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT’S URGENT AND WHAT’S IMPORTANT, AND KNOW WHICH ONE MATTERS MORE.

    18. Recommend a Book, Movie or Album

    It's harder than it sounds. It’s easy to sound like a pretentious snob or a gushing fan when you’re telling someone to check out something you love. Be able to explain not only why you love something, but why you think someone else would love it.

    19. Prioritize the Important Over the Urgent

    There are two types of demands on your life. The first and easiest to focus on are the urgent: paying your rent, getting ahead in work, etc. The second and much harder to tackle are the important: your spiritual life, your relationship with your family and looking after the health of your soul. Know the difference between what’s urgent and what’s important, and know which one matters more.

    20. Hold on to a Good Friend

    There’s going to be a lot of transition in your twenties as both you and your friends float from job to job and location to location. You’ll have to say a lot of good bye’s in the midst of it all, but you should know when you’ve found the rare friend who you don’t want to lose, and you should be able to prioritize staying in touch with them beyond the occasional text message.
    The author thanks Liz Riggs and Jeff Rojas for helping him come up with these ideas—and giving him a few to work on himself.
    Posted by
    Labels: Modern Man Youth and Young Adult

  3. I recently posted a cartoon video that accompanied an interview with a Brooklyn couple talking plainly and profoundly about their marriage and their love. Many people indicated how much they were touched by their story.

    I realized yesterday's post goes well with this video about love, as well. As a wise man has said, "Your marriage won't sustain your love. But your love - your actions, your daily choice to love - will sustain your marriage." Enjoy...


    Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw0sQUdYAns
    Posted by
    Labels: Love Marriage

  4. What a video! This is true, married love.

    Posted by
    Labels: Inspiration Love Marriage Sacrifice

  5. Are You Going to Abilene?
    Originally posted by Jessica S.
    JOHN.  (Thinking: She really likes Texas Roadhouse, maybe that's what she'll want.) "Texas Roadhouse?"
    DIANA. "Yeah, Texas Roadhouse sounds great." (Thinking: He wants to eat there again? Okay, if that's what he wants.)
    (End scene.)
    HANNAH. (Thinking: He loves seeing movies. Maybe that's what he'll want to dotonight?) "Would you like to go see a movie tonight?"
    NICK. "Yeah, sure." (Thinking: I'd rather go to the game, but a movie is fine if that's what she wants.)
    (End scene.)
    EVAN. (Thinking: A new icebreaker would take this workshop to the next level but she came up with the current one.) "So, do you want to present this workshop the same way we did last time?"
    ASHLEY. "Yeah, that sounds good to me." (Thinking: I think this workshop is missing something but if that's what he wants to do, I guess we can.)
    (End scene.)
    Downtown Abilene, TX
    How many times have these scenes played out in our lives? We suggest something because we think it’s what others want and they consequently agree because they think it’s what we’d prefer. In the end, everyone goes along with an idea but no one actually agrees with it.
    I’m sure a few memories of this happening are popping into your mind now. Maybe the last time your team chose where to eat? Maybe the last time you and your friends chose what movie to watch? Maybe even the last time you and your significant other chose what to do for the evening?
    This sticky situation is more than just common; it’s an actual leadership paradox. Identified as the Abilene Paradox, it’s been written about in several leadership books and journals. So how can we manage this paradox? How do we create harmony within our teams while still clearly expressing our individual opinion? It may be a bit challenging but it’s most certainly not impossible. Follow these simple tips to avoid the Abilene Paradox within your team.
    1. Politely express your opinion
    2. Remain open to hearing your teammates’ thoughts
    3. Be open to new ideas
    4. Respect differing opinions
    As you continue to “sharpen your saw” this year, check out this website for even more information on the Abilene Paradox.
    Posted by
    Labels: Communication Leadership and Personal Growth Teams

  6. I say it, too. "I want to make a difference. I want to change the world." But what is my desire for leading or doing "something extraordinary" really about?

    Check out leadership author and speaker Patrick Lencioni's thoughts as he challenges college students to dig deep into what their desires really hold.

    What I Wish College Students Knew About Leadership

    by Patrick Lencioni | NOVEMBER 1, 2012
    Leadership is one of those words that is used so often, and so often without thought, that it has lost much of its impact. This is true among college students as much as anyone else.
    Many students, when asked what they want to do with their lives after graduation, respond that they want to change the world, to be in a position of leadership. Reflexively, a professor or parent hears this and congratulates himself or herself on having groomed another future leader. But the questions they should first ask that aspiring leader is “why?” Why do you want to change the world? And “how?” How do you want to make the world different?
    All too often, young people who are asked these questions will struggle for an answer, or if they’re really honest, they’ll shrug their shoulders and say something like, “how should I know? I’m just a college student.”
    As natural as this might seem, it is a big, red flag. That’s because people who want to be a leader and change the world but don’t yet understand what the world is about and why it might need to change, are usually motivated by the wrong thing: pride.  Essentially, what they’re really saying is, “I want people to see me as a leader, and to be known as someone who made a difference.” 
    The best leaders, the ones that society needs to seek out and hold up as examples, are completely different.  They aren’t interested in leadership as a noun – being a leader – as much as they are in the concept of leadership as a verb – leading.  They see themselves as assuming a responsibility, fulfilling a role, achieving something that is important, regardless of whether they get credit for it or enhance their stature as a result.
    Yes, this is a pretty good description of servant leadership, something that has become very popular to talk about.  The part of servant leadership that is often overlooked, and which makes it less common in practice than theory, is the fact that it involves sacrifice.  Servant leaders sign up for very real pain and suffering.  Usually, that pain and suffering exceeds any tangible benefits or rewards that eventually come to the servant leader. 
    Who would ever willingly sign up for such a role?  Only people who are genuinely humble; people who believe that the outcome of their effort is more important than the cost of leading.  These people are relatively few and far between, and they should be nurtured and cherished.
    People who are motivated by pride, who want to be known as a leader and a difference-maker but who don’t know why or how – and we can all relate to them – should not be leaders at all, because ultimately they are looking to be served.  They would be better off waiting until they identify a real unmet need, one that requires someone to step up and take a stand at the risk of their own peril, before they volunteer to lead.  They, and the people they lead, would all benefit from that kind of maturity and restraint.

    This post is a apart of the “What I Wish College Students Knew” series. We wanted to get popular Catholic authors and speakers to write about topics that were close to the minds and hearts of college students across the country. To read more posts in this series, click on the links below. Feel free to give your input and join the conversation on these important topics.
    Posted by
    Labels: Culture and Current Events Do Hard Things Leadership and Personal Growth Motivation Servant Leadership Youth and Young Adult

  7. The Over-Commitment Club: Most of Us Are in It, But Should We Be?

    by Joanna Brady | OCTOBER 14, 2013
    It has been said that the greatest enemy of the great, is the good.

    It can be a really good thing to be the president of your architecture association, a reporter for your college news station, to have an internship or a job, or to make the dean’s list, but there is such a thing as too much.

    Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt stressed. Ever thought you had way too many things on your plate and that something had to go? Oh, I’m with you. I know I can’t see your hand raised, but I know that I’m not the only one out there who’s felt beat down because I over-committed myself.

    Why do we over-commit ourselves? Do we know how to say no? Do we feel more important when our schedule is packed?

    We live in a culture where busyness is glorified – but you and I don’t need to buy into that.
    Yes, there are times that we will be busy, but we are not meant to be busy all the time. That’s a lie that the world tells us. The Lord does not want that for your life.

    When we begin to equate our busy schedule and commitments with our sense of self-worth or importance or identity, a real problem comes into play.

    First and foremost, you are a daughter or son of God. You have infinite worth and dignity because you were made in His likeness.

    You are a human being, not a human doing. Too often, we instead place our identity in what we do rather than who we are.

    But when was the last time you let yourself “be”?

    In undergrad, I didn’t let myself “be” or have “me” time very often. My schedule looked something like this:

    But one day, something changed.  Rushing around the corner in my campus center, I ran into Daniel, a FOCUS missionary on my campus, and he said, “Wow, Joanna, you are the BWOC!” (If you’re confused, so was I. Thankfully, he immediately explained.) “You’re the Busiest Woman on Campus.”

    I gave a half-hearted smile, a nervous laugh and said, “Yeah, I guess I’m kinda busy… Well, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go! Off to my group meeting!” But as I was rushing away, I thought to myself, “Is that really what I want to be known as?”

    This experience happened five years ago, yet I still remember it like it happened last week.

    My identity is not and should not have been the Busiest Woman on Campus. There’s no amount of clubs, classes, or leadership positions – nothing – that will completely fulfill us.

    Why? Well, you’re made for Heaven. I’m made for Heaven. And anything less than that will never make the cut. No matter how hard we try.

    I can’t tell you what to cut out of your schedule or the secret number of things you can be in while being happy (there isn’t one), having a regular social life, and building your resume, but I will propose to you two points of consideration to help you make that decision:
    1) Learn to say no. Not every opportunity presented to you, no matter how “good” it may seem, is right for you.
    2) Pray. Ask the Lord who you are in His eyes and nothing else.
    Question: Is what you’re doing going to help you get to Heaven? Or is it a stumbling block to your relationship with God? Are you placing your identity in Christ or the things you do?

    Post originally found at FOCUS.org
    Posted by
    Labels: Humanity Leadership and Personal Growth Psychology and Human Behavior Work Youth and Young Adult

  8. We move in the direction of our dominant thoughts. (If I'm constantly thinking about buying that new gadget or that shirt or taking that trip, I'm naturally going to start shaping or reshaping my savings, planning, conversation, Google searches around that thing...)

    It's natural that our lives become decisions formed from our dominant thoughts. However, what happens when our dominant thoughts aren't the most important?

    In this simple yet profound little article, a house-call nurse reveals the conversations she has had over the years with patients who have gone back to their homes to die. She's synthesized the conversations into the top 5 regrets people make as they pass away.  

     Maybe this will remind us of what we should be focusing on now.

    I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
    This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

    I wish I didn't work so hard.
    This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

    I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
    Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

    I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
    Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

    I wish that I had let myself be happier.
    This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

    Image source 1, 2, 3
    Posted by
    Labels: Blameless Living Humanity Leadership and Personal Growth

  9. We often lift people up on pedestals: runners after Olympic races, war heroes after their untimely yet honorific deaths, great men and women of faith outside of church buildings and in city squares...

    But why?

    Former US Secretary of Agirculture, Ed Schafer, said his job was to find out what is working on the local levels and bring that to light for the rest of the country to see. In a similar way, community foundations award scholarships to outstanding high school graduates each spring, larger bodies like the Catholic Church recognize saints from among the faithful in order for others to see holiness lived out in so many different life contexts and spanning the ages, and professional athletic teams name MVP's for the other teams to look to in coming seasons.

    Who do you know that would be good for others to watch and look to as a model? Here's a chance to lift them up for the rest of us to see: Top 30 Catholics under 30 years old

    Image source
    Posted by
    Labels: Lives of the Saints Today's Church


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    Labels: Character Humanity Kindness Love Thy Neighbor
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